hi there. honestly, i didn't realise it was this late into the year until christmas. 2008 has just zoomed past, so so quickly. and yes, like everyone else, i'm oblivious to this fact. and it does seem that time passes faster with each year. i'm 21, and i'm beginning to feel old. so it's offically 31st December 2008, even though my bio clock reads 30th. and i guess this is probably the only time left to reflect on 2008, because tmr's going to be such a busy day. and happy birthday ian.
let's start. i had 3 wishes for 2008. i wanted to smile more. i wanted to stop telling lies. and i wanted to stop running away. and when i looked back at these wishes a couple of minutes ago, i was kind of disappointed. no doubt, the first impression that it gave did seem noble. and simple. after all simple seems to be the new beauty. but i felt that these goals perhaps left me with nothing much to aim for. and the whole year did happen as empty. to make that worse, i think i only completed half of that wishlist. i smiled more, but not from the heart. i didn't stop telling lies. and i'm still running away from a lot of realities. don't worry, it's not those 'guilty-talks' here, but i just do not want to forget what 2008 is for me. and i do want to complete this entry, because there so many occasions that i left writing half way, and this probably explained what i was also like the whole year round.
it all started like this. dominic, his girlfriend and i was sitting at the bridge near clarke quay, behind liang court, with me holding onto a can of coke. and started counting down. before we really get to zero, we heard the fireworks. yea and we didn't manage to see those displays. i had a sip from my can and i turned to dominic and greeted him, "happy new year". and i greeted him and his a girlfriend a few times, before we head down towards a pub at boat quay. in between, i met haryanto, kim and ian. but it was just a brief greeting and goodbye. and i finally sang outside my lift that night. at the karaoke pub of course. haha.
i was working at cpf for the first couple of months this year. it was a really good experience, something that i finally could relate to with many people. because it was my first office job. it was a really big eye-opener for me, because i've never really been to any offices. offices that require pass to go into. having my own desk and cubicle. and staying air-conditioned for 10 hours. honestly, even though i was so looking forward to working in an office during my army days, i hated that job. hated, not hating. i was so against working in an office that i was always sleeping in the toilet. or towards the later part of my period at cpf, i was sleeping at a store room. and guess what, on more than 2 occasions, i was caught cheating on my time sheet. i do look down on myself now. and i do realised how much time i've wasted trying to go around the system. so obviously i've already broken my personal wishlist at the start of the year. anyway, i was asked to leave by the end of february (they told me that they wanted someone that could stay longer, but i would have fired myself if i'm my own superior, really). and that, was to my delight. how shameful was that. i also realise that by finding that cpf job, i gave myself an additional excuse not to hit certain goals i set for myself then.
and i swore i will never work in an office again. only for myself to eat my own words half a year later, 2 weeks before my school started. but this time round, i enjoyed my experience there. it was a telemarketing company, a job i got through desmond's girlfriend, meg. and fresh from my lesson learnt, i made sure that i will never be such a useless worker again, and at the end of 2 weeks, i have learnt so much, even if my job was just selling stuff on the phone. still, the shameful part was i didn't really want to let people around me know that i was working again, and that probably shows how much i did not dare to face rejection. how i couldn't let go of my ego.
but i did gain a lot from 2008. i finally get to catch up with so many people i haven't met. primary school friends. secondary school friends. jc mates. army mates. all those that i've lost contact a long time ago. and yes, thanks to friendster and facebook, it was all possible. of course, the list of people i lost contact with stretches on, but i'm glad that i started doing something about it. just a couple of days ago, when i was having supper with my uncle after work, i saw him bumping into an old army friend. somewhere he hasn't met for more than 30 years. scary right.
and of course, i'm not going to miss out writing about my business-building at lfi. yes, my very first experience with the real world. and it gave me a real different perspectives about the whole world today. at the very least, i've witnessed how oil rose to over $100 and dropped to $30+ per barrel in the space of a few months. and the fact that people complain all the time. when times are good, they complained about the high standard of living. when times are bad, understandably, they complain times being bad. hardly logical. that's probably why nash's equilibrium could only stand as a theory.
and i've went through a 3 courses that i would never imagine myself going through a few years back. probably slight tee-up, i do realise how amazing a group of people can perform working together properly. great teams divide the tasks and double the success. i learnt the technical side of sales, which is helping me well in retail for my father. and i also found out that the limit to a human-being is really difficult to comprehend. now there's hope for me to be a superhero. heh.
but through it all, i did saw how much time i've wasted running away from my own problems and weaknesses. and that actually became a bad habit. and before i am going to start my resolution, this is on the top of this list. i need to start facing the giants. kill that habit.
football-wise, i've suddenly had this crazy idea to become a footballer all over again when i was showering last saturday. yes, it has always been my dream to play football as a profession, and my favourite games are still winning eleven and football manager. never really touched anything else. and in footballing terms, it was a rather good year. thanks to the efforts by anthony, carrera fc made a revival in competitive terms. we finally started playing football weekly again and participated in a social league. and to our surprise, we had a relatively good start, and we're still hoping to win the tournament at the end of the season. but after 2 consecutive games last sunday, i wanted to drop the idea of playing professionally. i will decide at the end of the next game. that's probably second on my new year wishlist.
2009 is looking to be a tougher year for a lot of people. and of course, i'm included as well. financial tsunami is going to take effect. university syllabus is going one level up for me. i'm starting at less than $100 in my posb bank account next year. and of course the challenges i have yet to complete in 2008. it's going to be twice as hard, but i am feeling optimistic. roar. i am going to be a yes man! i will grow up.
and my personal new year wishlist.
1. to break my bad habits and be a yes man.
-stop throwing smoke bombs when i'm facing something difficult. you know what i mean. my first real test could be the customers when i'm facing in the coming month. and and also to stop blaming the rest of the world for my failures. and also staying positive.
2. decide whether i should sacrifice football for the 'greater' good's'. after all, xuanhui did criticised my decision-making on the pitch and i have been rather indecisive in life as well.
3. i want to learn to manage a shop for my father on my own during the latern festival. i'll probably be in charge of half the sales at chinatown starting on the 3rd. i'm really looking forward.
4. i believe i should be more consistent with my work in school. last sem was nightmare because i left everything to the very last minute. actually, it is more of the keeping to my promise that's the resolution than getting it itself. so i really want to fulfil this wish.
5. to score a hat trick in a 90 minute game.
6. to really improve my english. at least i'll be attending the english module the coming sem.
7. to find a supermodel girlfriend. to prove that i'm not gay.
8. i want to go to taiwan (or maybe japan) before august.
i will continue to add to this list no doubt.
all in all, 2008 has been a bad year for me. bad bad year. but worry not. like what they said in 'glory road', bad is the new good. i believe i will do well in 2009, not because 2008 is behind me now, but because 2008 didn't break me. yea i'm in the rar rar mood now. heh. happy new year all of you and i sincerely wish everyone of you all the best.
friends are the sunshine of life =)
se wei 2008.
